My Story Pt2

You wonder where my mother was? Working too many hours, drinking too much, crying, silently dying because none of this was what she wanted...I'm usually more than fair, close to lying, when I speak about her to strangers. She is honestly one of the most selfish and lazy people I have ever met. I'm thankful for this because without her shortcomings I would have never found my strengths.

She was second seat on the NCSU Tennis Team when she found out she was pregnant with me. A junior majoring  in computer science, her and my father had been together for around two years. She says she tried to leave and go back home to her mom, who sent her straight back to my dad. She has also said several times with a distant sad look in her eye, in the middle of one her drunk rants, that she wanted an abortion. She sings the same sad song about how she had made the appointment and my dad convinced her not to go. This is where their stories differ and where my childhood is lost. My mother says he started getting more and more evil and began to beat her, which I believe. I can't remember one of my father's girlfriends or wives who hasn't said the same. My father says my mother got lazier and lazier and didn't want to take care of me. However it all happened, it ended the same. My father left my mother for his future wife, my little sister's mom. My mother I'm sure hurt and broken came home to them taunting her with her things packed on the steps.

I don't know how long she had me before MamaDean convinced her it was best that my mom let her keep me until she got on her feet. No one will say or even acknowledge it. All of this is a collection of different stories I've heard from different family members and glued together by my speculation. I don't know how long I stayed with MamaDean, Puda and Charmell- she had been collected too. I remember the day she came to get me and they told me to hide and not make a sound. They told me a lot of things and I always heard adults talking because I rarely talked so they let me sit and listen. My little sister was always shooed away because she was busy and needy. I was left alone because I didn't know how to ask for things or that I could. I didn't know I had the right to same hugs. I assumed no one liked me because that's how they treated me. Should I actually be sad or hurt MamaDean would've fought the devil to get to me. She was there when I absolutely needed her. I would hear MamaDean say, "Yea that chile has to stay with us now 'cause her mama on them drugs and have men runnin in an out the house. Hardly even feed the girl." Same story for every child collected. The day she realized I wasn't a puppet was the day she brought the social worker to speak to me. I was asked if my mother fed me. I could see MamaDean giving me the gal-you-better-say-what-I-told-you look but I told the truth because she did feed me when I was there. I thought I was going to lose a quarter of my ass for it but I didn't lie. So back with my mother I went after a trial and few fist fights between her my new step-mom.